Humorous email about words

[ilandrah]

I just received this email and I thought that you guys might enjoy this, though many have probably seen it before.
No idea on the veracity of the sources for these words.

BEWARE -- SOME ADULT CONCEPTS AND LANGUAGE

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:


1. *Coffee* (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.


2. *Flabbergasted* (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.


3. *Abdicate* (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


4. *Esplanade* (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.


5. *Willy-nilly* (adj.), impotent.


6. *Negligent* (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.


7. *Lymph* (v.), to walk with a lisp.


8. *Gargoyle* (n), olive-flavoured mouthwash.


9. *Flatulence* (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.


10. *Balderdash* (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.


11. *Testicle* (n.), a humorous question on an exam.


12. *Rectitude* (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.


13. *Pokemon* (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.


14. *Oyster* (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.


15. *Frisbeetarianism* (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,
when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.


16. *Circumvent* (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.


***********************************************************

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition.

The winners are:



1. *Bozone* (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.


2. *Foreploy* (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.


3. *Cashtration* (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.


4. *Giraffiti* (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.


5. *Sarchasm* (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.


6. *Inoculatte* (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.


7. *Hipatitis* (n): Terminal coolness.


8. *Osteopornosis* (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got
extra credit.)


9. *Karmageddon* (n): its like, when everybody is sending off
all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.


10. *Decafalon* (n.): The grueling event of getting through the
day consuming only things that are good for you.


11. *Glibido* (v): All talk and no action.


12. *Dopeler effect* (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.


13. *Arachnoleptic fit *(n.): The frantic dance performed just
after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.


14. *Beelzebug* (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets
into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.


15. *Caterpallor* (n.): The color you turn after finding half a
grub in the fruit you're eating.


And the pick of the lot………….


16. *Ignoranus* (n): A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.

[Alonzo Quixote]

Very amusing.  Lots of laughs.

Thank you for posting these.

[pat]

Brilliant, ilandrah.

[rogue_mother]

The Washington Post is the principal newspaper here at Inside the Beltway. The Style Invitational is a weekly contest for lovers of clever wordplay. This week's contest is Week 857, so you can tell that it has been going on for a while. Rogue Daughter #1 occasionally enters. The contest comes out in the Saturday paper, and entrants have until midnight a week from Monday (ten days) to submit their entries.

This week's contest is to create a brand-new word or phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet -- but the series must go backward through the alphabet. The three letters may stretch across a hyphen or two words. This is similar to the contest to week 853, except for that contest the three successive letters went forward.

The winners were:
1. Coughin: A small enclosure designed especially for smokers.

2. Mno: The kind of response that makes you want to ask her again.

3. Noplow: The District's snow emergency plan.

4. Geode-face: Someone whose beauty is "sparkling inside."

plus many clever runners-up.

The results of past contests can be viewed at http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/linkset/2005/03/25/LI2005032501843.html. I doubt the archives go all the way back to the beginning. It's possible you might have to register to view these, but it costs nothing to register.

[technomc]

I loved 13...i have watched my girls do this numerous times when they go to the bottom of the garden...absolutely hilarious...

[birdy]

They're probably properly distracted so that you find it easy to shove them into the shed.  Spiders are our friends.

[technomc]

I know that...and so did they, until all the girls at school started to scream every time they saw a spider...now they do too....very frustrating indeed!!!!!