greenone
Cryptoverbalist
Posts: 538
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« Reply #1755 on: November 15, 2009, 09:58:10 PM » |
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Try as I might, I can't think of a clever response to that - *&*(^%$ (*&^$# Wish I could  |
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a non-amos
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« Reply #1756 on: November 15, 2009, 11:41:38 PM » |
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I guess silkworm racing must be more popular than I thought. Now I need to take them on a world tour.
I think it has something to do with global worming . . .
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Carpe digitus.
(Roughly translated, this is possibly the world's oldest "pull my finger" joke)
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rogue_mother
Glossologian
Posts: 1035
Carbon-based life form
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« Reply #1757 on: November 16, 2009, 08:54:08 PM » |
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Oh, A! I'm afraid you'll have Samuel Johnson spinning in his grave ...
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birdy
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« Reply #1758 on: November 17, 2009, 12:02:53 AM » |
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This thread is being taken over by the silkworms! Seems only fair...
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Alan W
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« Reply #1759 on: November 17, 2009, 09:57:35 AM » |
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Here we go round the mulberry bush...
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Steadyguy
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« Reply #1760 on: November 18, 2009, 06:16:34 AM » |
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This thread could easily give one the needle.
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Diem Carpe et Amplexa.
(Roughly translated means 'Don't just seize the day HUG IT!)
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birdy
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« Reply #1761 on: December 10, 2009, 12:55:28 PM » |
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These may have been posted before, but there are new people on the forum who may not have seen them (thanks, Steadyguy, for giving me the excuse to post these):
The ability to make and understand puns is the Highest Level of Language Development. Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons... The
Stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says, "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The
other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a
root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. "But why?. they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to
a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,
she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked
to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to
close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars
to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD,
its good) a supercalloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10 And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.
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Steadyguy
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« Reply #1762 on: December 10, 2009, 06:11:04 PM » |
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Well, I think these puns were published before my time. All excellent.  |
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« Last Edit: December 11, 2009, 06:23:32 AM by Steadyguy »
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Diem Carpe et Amplexa.
(Roughly translated means 'Don't just seize the day HUG IT!)
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birdy
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« Reply #1763 on: December 11, 2009, 03:34:54 AM » |
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glad you liked them!
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technomc
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« Reply #1764 on: December 17, 2009, 09:04:44 PM » |
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Birdy, they were hilarious...
I have forwarded them on....
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pat
Cryptoverbalist
Posts: 921
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« Reply #1765 on: February 02, 2010, 10:17:08 PM » |
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A group of 40 year old buddies discuss at length where they
should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof
zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss at length where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the
Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss at length where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the
Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is
smoke free.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss at length where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the
Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even
have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss at length where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the
Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.
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Nova
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« Reply #1766 on: February 03, 2010, 02:40:27 AM » |
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Basically, there are three approaches to learning.
Some people learn by reading about things.
Some people learn from other people's mistakes.
And then there are those, who simply MUST try peeing on an electric fence.
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Steadyguy
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« Reply #1767 on: February 03, 2010, 05:28:41 AM » |
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A group of 40 year old buddies discuss at length where they
should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof
zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss at length where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the
Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.
Whew Pat, am I glad I never grew up after reaching 40!!!!  |
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Diem Carpe et Amplexa.
(Roughly translated means 'Don't just seize the day HUG IT!)
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a non-amos
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« Reply #1768 on: February 03, 2010, 11:38:48 AM » |
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Pat, you are spot-on. I could tell you stories about that.
Better yet, I need to tell them to the proprietors of the restaurant!
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Carpe digitus.
(Roughly translated, this is possibly the world's oldest "pull my finger" joke)
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pat
Cryptoverbalist
Posts: 921
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« Reply #1769 on: February 03, 2010, 10:02:34 PM » |
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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
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